How "rock bottom" changed my future forever
Life isn’t linear. It's messy too.
4 years ago I was struggling, in therapy, with totally different ‘friends’, obsessed with weight loss, a 9-5 career, binge drinking and smoking, and my business didn't even exist in my mind.
Even 2.5 years ago I had no money, no husband and none of the close friendships I have now.
Just over 2 years ago I decided to move to London, a place I had never even visited... and to dedicate my life to creating a business in an industry I knew only a little about. Something I’d dreamed of doing for years but which I’d always let my inner critic talk me out of.
I had no real friendship group and the 3 people I did know were kind enough to let me crash on their couch, but they busy with their own established lives and jobs and friends.
Here I was, new in a big city with room the size of my single bed in a flat-share trying to make this totally farfetched dream life of mine happen – to inspire women to transform their lives and inner well-being too.
Up until 2016 I’d been in three failed relationships, I’d had a mental health crisis, changed career direction twice and I was living in constant cycle of debt. I had nothing but a big vision in my journal and no idea how to pull it off.
In the beginning I didn't feel ready at all. There were a lot of times I didn’t believe it would happen.⠀
Yet, every time I'd think about throwing in the towel, something inside of me urged me to keep going just a little further.
My vision was bigger than me (It still is). It’s what my soul is called to do.
2 years later and I've had what some people refer to as a complete LIFE MAKEOVER. It's true. I've totally changed my life. And I've had some massive lightbulb moments along the way.
I've realised that my mental health problems have been a gift, so I could reconnect to my emotional self.
I've realised that my challenges had been tests that revealed my inner strength and resilience.
I've realised that my horrendous breakup was the blessing that led me to my soul mate, my husband Tristan.
All of the heartbreaks we experience are gifts – they break our hearts open wide so we can return to who we really are beneath all of the layers that life lays on us.
Beneath all of the stress.
The stories we tell ourselves growing up.
Life breaks us so we can have our big breakthroughs.
Sometimes life cracks us so wide open, so that when we put the pieces back together we know how it feels to be whole again.
We NEVER see it this way at the time.
And I certainly didn’t when my life was in a crisis either. The dots only ever connect in hindsight.
When I spent nights crying myself to sleep I thought life was unfair.
I thought I was a failure.
I thought I'd never make anything of myself.
That these challenges were the end of me.
I'd wonder whether that feeling of loneliness and "not good enough" would ever dissolve.
But now, when I open my eyes every morning the first thing I do is smile. I smile knowing that I have made it.
I made EVERY dream in that journal I wrote only 2 years ago into a reality, plus more.
I smile every time a client leaves my office, knowing I made a huge difference to that person’s life.
Or when I look out the window of my apartment over the London city skyline and think about how grateful I am to live here.
Or when I stare into Tristan’s eyes every morning and we recite what we are grateful for in our lives.
These small but meaningful moments were made possible by those days spent crying in my bathtub with a glass of red wine.
They are made possible by 2 years worth of 14-hour days working for minimum wage to pay my bills, whilst also juggling my full-time training, study, personal growth and reading as much as I could.
These moments are all the more special knowing that I was scared and uncertain, but I kept taking the steps anyway.
And because of all the things I said no to, the compromises I had to make and the sacrifices I made along the way.
This transformation was possible when I finally let go of the old safe me and invited the new me to show up and flourish.
If you’re ever comparing yourself to others (or even me) I want you to know that nobody is ever an overnight success story and they are no more special than you.
The only difference is that they turned their tears and confusion into motivation. They took action even though they had doubts and even though they were scared shitless.
They took that breakdown and turned it into a breakthrough. They took their struggles and leaned in closer to discover their strengths.
They kept moving even though they weren't sure if it would work out.
This is exactly what I’ve done and it’s what propels me EVERY day, through every challenge in my personal life and my young business.
Everything you want to resist is actually preparing you for what you most want in your life.
Every challenge that rattles your confidence, is preparing you for the massive courage you'll need to go after your soul's calling.
Every struggle is shaking you to your core, so you can figure out who you reallyyyyy are at your core.
Trust this process. Lean in to those emotions and self doubt.
Feel those fears and give them the middle finger while you show up anyway.
... And when the time comes and your soul calls you to follow your passion or make that crazy, farfetched new start, follow the voice. Say YES.
Let it lead you into the unknown.
Because the future you don’t know about yet, is far greater than the perfect one you’ve got mapped out.